I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
