just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am mentally ready for anal.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
