I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
