If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
