I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
