What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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