the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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