my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
