No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
