I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
