i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
