I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I would ride that face into the sunset
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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