Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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