You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
