in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
