I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
