thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
