Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
