i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
