I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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