I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
