Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
