dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
