Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
