We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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