you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
