god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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