Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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