you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
