She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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