I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
