Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
