am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
