I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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