i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
