He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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