i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
