Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
