My nipple is on Facebook.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
