Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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