There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
