i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
