She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
