Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
