Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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