Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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