I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
