I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Barsexuality is the new black.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
