even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
