whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
false alarm, still single
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
