I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
