i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
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