i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My ass is underappreciated
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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