So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
